Mireille's Journey To Health


Somedays You Have To Hold On A Little Tighter


My Grandma. She gave the best hugs! They were always so warm and genuine.

The following is a conversation via text messaging between my mom and I from yesterday morning.

Mom: Diana called yesterday afternoon and told me how much better Grandma was doing, but she developed a high fever last night of 40.2 Celsius and ended up going into the hospital and they discovered she had a perforated bowel and is undergoing surgery this morning.  It is not good because she is old to go through it.  Pray that she has a fighting will to recover to make it to the reunion.

Me: Oh geez.  Call me when you hear anything.

Mom: Yes she is getting a blessing and I am fasting and praying that since she got her morphine thing under control and is doing much better appetite and all that she can pull through it.  I will keep you posted as Diana let’s me know.

Me: When’s this all taking place?

Mom: Cory and Nathan gave her a blessing before going in for surgery.  They gave her something for the fever.  They did a CT scan when she was brought in and found the perforation.  The surgeon said the surgery will take minimum 2 hours and they will open her up and remove some colon and check elsewhere in the intestines.  She will have a colostomy bag after.  At her age and condition the surgeon said she can survive the surgery, but has a 30% chance of recovering after because her body was going septic from stool entering her system.  He was going to flush her out very well.  So I will let you know when Diana calls later and Grandma will be moved to ICU where she would spend a few days.

Me: This is just great!  Brian goes to the field tomorrow.  I’ll be all alone if something happens.  Figures!  What a time I’m going to have!

At this point, we stopped texting for a bit.  Mom was headed to church and until the surgery was complete, we really didn’t have much more to say.  I kept staring at my phone.  The boys were playing around the house, being silly little boys.  Brian was in the shower.  I was in the kitchen, initially.  My lip started quivering.  My eyes were filling with tears.  I couldn’t stop it.  I didn’t want the boys to ask me why.  I wasn’t ready to talk.  If I opened my mouth to talk, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get any words out.  30%.  The number was resonating all around me like an obnoxious racket that could not be quieted.  30%…. a 30% chance.  30%.  I went into my room and laid face down on my bed.  I just let the tears start to fall.  And they just kept falling.

Brian came out of the shower and saw me.  Well, the top of my head, anyhow.  I was still face down.  He said, “Are you going to be all weird because I’m leaving for the field tomorrow.”  He had a point.  I tend to get quiet and shut myself in whenever he has to leave for a while.  It makes it hard to enjoy those last days.  I suppose the anticipation and dread takeover, and I just don’t talk as much.  I know what it’s like to have him gone.  We’ve been through 2 deployments, countless field exercises, and many army schools.  He goes.  I stay back.  I take care of our boys, our home, our life, our dog, and even our cars.  I take care of all of it.  It’s stressful.  It’s exhausting.  We’ve never been stationed by family.  I rely on myself, my kids, and whatever friends I make at each duty station.  This is the life of a military wife.

While I was dreading him leaving and already anxious for his return, at that moment, however, I just kept thinking about 30%.  Unable to talk without sobbing, and not knowing what to say, I just slid my phone over to him so he could read the conversation himself.  He read it.  I looked at him and just cried.

Brian knew what a big deal this reunion was to me.  He knew I was upset.  My grandparents used to live in Quebec with my family.  We saw them all of the time.  They were such a huge part of our lives.  When we moved to Utah, in ’95, however, they didn’t follow.  They did get a little closer, though.  They moved to Alberta.  Still in Canada, but much closer to Utah.  My family would make the drive up to visit them at least once each year.  During the first few years, they would drive out to see us , as well.  Then, as the years went on, they got older, and had some health problems.  They weren’t as comfortable making the trip.  My grandma tried.  Even after my grandpa stopped, my grandma made it down two more times, traveling with my aunt.  My wedding was the last time she came.

grandma and papa

My Grandma and Grandpa (we call him Papa)

Well, after marrying and becoming a military spouse, we were initially stationed in Washington state.  From there we were able to make the drive to Alberta.  After that , the military took us further and further away.  We went to Missouri, and then to North Carolina.  The drive was no longer feasible, and airfare was too expensive.

We are now stationed in Texas.  The reunion plan is for us to drive up to Utah in June.  We’ll meet up with the rest of the family still living there, and from there make our journey to Alberta with everyone.  It would be the first time we would all be together in about 10 years.

After hearing about my grandma and knowing my husband was leaving, getting through the rest of the day was rough.  I took solace in working on my small garden.  In addition to my two, small, container, vegetable gardens, I added some hanging tomatoes and strawberries.  It felt nice to be giving life at a time when I was struggling with perhaps losing one.

Well, I’m very happy to say that my grandma made it through the surgery.  Although, it’s the recovery the doctor wasn’t as confident about.  I went to bed not knowing if the bad news might come during the night.  I woke up to no missed calls, and no text messages.  No news is usually good news.  My husband kissed me good-bye and left with all of his bags. It was tempting to just lay in bed all day.  I was sad and stressed.

I had to dig a little deeper today to get everything done that I needed to.  I managed to tidy up, get dishes, laundry and vacuuming done.  I went on my walk to the park with my friend for our workout before picking up our kids from school.  I chauffeured kids to activities all afternoon.  Our busy afternoon left no time for us to come home for dinner.  I was prepared with an insulated lunch sack full of food.  We got in late.  I put the kids to bed, and I incline walked on the treadmill.  It was incredibly stress-relieving.  I listened to a lot of up-beat old songs.

Mom says my grandma is doing alright so far.  They’ve sat her up and she’s talked.  The next few days are critical.

So that’s where I’m at so far.  The story is still going, and the plan is to continue to hang in there.  I’m trying to keep an awareness of my mind and my body.  I’m trying to not overwork myself.  I’m really trying to stress as little as possible.  Stress is so bad for the mind and the body.  It causes inflammation.  It’s been linked to countless diseases and illnesses.  It’s hard not to let the things that are out your control affect you.  Just try not to let the things that are out your control, control you.  Hang in there.  Push through.  Fight.

I want to add the lyrics to the song, If We Hold On Together, from Diana Ross.  Most people know it as the song on The Land Before Time.

Don’t lose your way
With each passing day
You’ve come so far
Don’t throw it away

Live believing, dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story, faith, hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by for you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end

Valley, mountain, there is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying, someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by for you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We’ll dream about the sun
In the dark we’ll feel the lights
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by for you and I

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/diana-ross/if-we-hold-on-together-lyrics/#icgADBLLkgrcvWsm.99


2 comments on “Somedays You Have To Hold On A Little Tighter

  1. Alexus K
    April 21, 2015

    Wishing your family all the luck in this time!

    Liked by 1 person

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