REAL, FRUGAL, HEALTHY, and FUN!!!
I had an appointment in Urology couple of months ago for things I wont disclose until I have an official diagnosis. Anyhow, I had to undergo a procedure in which they insert a camera into your urethra and look at your bladder. This involves stripping down and putting on one of those hospital gowns. You lay on a really cold, metal bed in a cold, surgical room. All I could think about is how not wonderful this experience was. I mean, I was cold. The bed was hard. My feet were in stirrups. To top it all off, the doctor had a camera in my urethra!
On the bright side, the urologist had an amazing nurse. She was fun and spunky. She was the kind of girl that could help you feel a little more comfortable, even in the most awkward situations. Like a said, a little more comfortable. She made me as comfortable as I could be under the circumstances. When the urologist was done having a look at my bladder, he left. She smiled at me and told me it was all done. She told me to sit up slowly and hop off the bed. She offered to help if I needed her. I didn’t. I sat up and hopped down. Then, she told me I was “so little.” She told me she’d be outside the room and to get dressed and come out when I was ready. I got dressed, and exited the room. The nurse gave me a hug. She really did! She was super spunky and sweet.
The hospital where the urology clinic is located happens to be across the street from where I live. I had walked there, so I walked back home. The whole way home, I kept thinking, so little? Did she mean lean? I’d hoped she meant lean. I’ve made life changes a few years ago. My diet is very clean. It’s full of whole foods. It’s wonderful actually. My food tastes amazing and my body feels better than ever! I workout. I weight train, do cardio, and yoga regularly. Lean, would be a great compliment!
Did she mean skinny? I really hoped she didn’t mean skinny. After all of the years I’ve spent trying to be skinny, you’d think I’d love being told I was skinny. There was definitely a time when I yearned to hear it. So many hungry days. So many sleepless nights because the hunger pangs kept me up. So many tears. I remember days when I ate nothing but rice cakes. I remember telling my mom I was too sick to eat dinner because I’d accidentally eaten a peanut (I’m highly allergic). I remember doing crunches in my friend’s bathroom at her birthday party. I wanted so badly to be skinny.
Not now. Times have changed. I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be healthy, vibrant, glowing, and full of life. I want to be strong and fit. I want to represent a body of health, not starvation. Isn’t it funny that those 3 words from that nurse have stayed with me? I suppose so. I think it’s because I’ve pushed so hard on both sides of the spectrum. I’ve done all I could to be skinny and now, I’ve dedicated my life to being healthy and reasonably lean. I’ve left all desires to starve myself to a skinny state behind me. I would hope that my body portrays what I consider a far more noble goal of health.
I once heard someone say that you should not comment on a person’s weight or size, regardless of whether or not you intend the comment as a compliment. The nurse was very sweet, and probably meant tiny as a compliment. I would advise that if you think someone looks great, you should use the word great. Perhaps to the nurse I appeared skinny, and perhaps that is what she meant. However, she couldn’t possibly know how I struggled so much with my body image. She couldn’t see the huge change. She just saw a girl who was in the urology clinic for a procedure. I would advise that the best compliment you can give a girl is that she looks beautiful. Her size needn’t be noted.